What Is A Father?
by Dlbn
Summary: Kio Kaido's thoughts about being a father to his own daughter, Shikiko.


Dlbn: Hey there everyone! And welcome to our new "Father's Day" Loveless special! Woot!

Nbld: Since last year's was dedicated to everyone who, like us, doesn't have a father and thus no reason to celebrate Father's Day, this year's will be dedicated to everyone who does have one and thus a reason to celebrate!

000

Kio wasn't sure how to react when he had first been told that he was a father. He didn't remember ever being with a woman, let alone having unprotected sex with her. He had gotten the news when he was about nineteen years old, which was only two years ago. However, when he was told, she was thirteen. Why had he been kept in the dark for so long? The mother of this little girl, Shieko, was a woman he remembered very well. Her mother had been a maid at the female-dominated Kaido household for so long. He thought she was pretty, with dark plum hair and bright teal eyes. That was before; however, he admitted to himself that he was more interested in men then women. He didn't remember having intercourse with her. He was so sure that he had lost his ears to a man he met at a club when he was seventeen. Not to a maid's daughter. Not to mention that to have had this little girl, Shikiko Kaido, he would have had to be six to father her. From what he knew then, and now, that wasn't really possible.

He wasn't ready to be a father. There was no question in his mind about that. He had only been made aware after seeing her on the family grounds and asking a maid who she was. He had then gone to congratulate Shieko, and that was when she informed him that he was the father. Being a male, he'd only been permitted to live at his family home until he was sixteen. He had then been promptly kicked to the curb of his father's house. The Kaido family was matriarchal, and alarmingly so. Males were second class citizens and not allowed on the family grounds. Whenever Kio would visit, they'd try to turn him away, but he wouldn't allow it. He'd always respond with, "I might be a male, but I'm a Kaido, too!", and push his way past the guards. They never bothered to stop him whenever he pointed that out to him.

Shikiko surely wasn't against seeing to or talking to him. And with her permission, he'd visit her mother after talking to Shikiko herself. Why did he need his daughter's permission for anything? She was declared the next head of the household at her birth. Kio was proud to be the father of the leader of the Kaido family, if you wanted him to be honest. But it was a pain. He couldn't refer to her as anything but Shikiko-san, and her mother as Shieko-san. He had to ask a young girl's permission to do whatever he needed to do, to say what he needed to say. And if he ever made her mad? Consider him banned from the property until she got over it or he groveled enough.

He had had a hard time explaining the situation to himself, let alone Akira Shujimeki, the guy he was dating and devoted his life to. Akira understood the family dynamics just fine. But explaining how now 24 year old Kio managed to have a now eighteen year old daughter was hard. Akira had insisted that there was something fishy about the whole situation. Kio couldn't agree more but, being a male, he had no choice. Ritsuka Aoyagi, the boyfriend of Kio's best friend Soubi Agatsuma, had suffered from severe amnesia. Could Kio have suffered from it as well? When he brought his age up to Shikiko once, she had been alarmed and quickly excused herself to talk to her mother and Kio's mother about it. Maybe she knew something that he didn't. Of course, his mother knew, but Kio never had anything to do with her. She didn't like him much and didn't approve of his career choice. Or sexual preference, as he'd heard a few servants whispering about once. He couldn't just waltz in and demand information from her, anyway. Once again, what was between his legs was what qualified him as a worthy person in the family. A morbid thought, but the truth.

Kio knew he didn't really want to be a father from the moment he was informed of who had fathered Shikiko. He was too young! He had so much fun to have. All the irresponsibility that came with being in your twenties, all the parties and the booze thrown at him by female classmates, all the wild sex with Akira, the lazy Sundays spent with Soubi and Ritsuka, babysitting the Chibis-Yoji and Natsuo Sagan-when they got on Soubi's nerves too much, and painting. There was so much more he wanted to do. He couldn't do any of it if he was being chained down by a child. Sure, he didn't have to have anything to do with her because of the gender thing, once again.

But he'd known, since he was sixteen, that if he ever was a father, he would be there for his kid; whether the kid or their mother wanted him around or not. He would not kick out his son when he was sixteen, just because he was a male and the Kaido family hated that. He would not let his daughter go out with guys without checking on them first and making sure they were okay. He wouldn't let his son grow up without a father to teach him how to be a man. He wouldn't let his little girl try and sneak attention out from horrible, older boyfriends as a fatherly substitute. He wouldn't let his son try to figure out shaving and girl problems on his own. He wouldn't let his little girl sit on the sidelines at a Father-Daughter dance because she was alone. There were so many milestones in the life of a young man and in the life of a young woman, and he didn't want to miss one minute of them if he was ever a father; be it a son or daughter.

But now that the time was upon him, the fact that he was a father scared him. Did he have what it takes to teach his child right from wrong? To discipline them when they acted up or acted out irrationally? Would he be able to sit them down and discuss 'things' with them when the time was right? Would he be able to talk to them at all? Would they end up hating him when they grew up? If they needed help, would they come to him? Would he be able to offer sage advice that would help them? Or would he offer something that would hurt them in the end? When they found someone to love, would he be able to get along with and accept that person as his own as well? Was he able to provide for them? "Starving artist" was a stereotype that he actually fit. The apartment he moved into was Akira's, and all paid for by him. Would he be able to keep a roof over his child's head, food in their stomach, and clothes on their back? Would he be man enough to say no when he knew it was necessary? Would he be able to make them feel better if their heart was practically ripped right out of their chest and stomped on by someone they fell for? Would he help heal all the cuts and bruises that came with growing up? He'd never felt so unsure of himself in his life.

But he wouldn't have to worry about father-daughter dances, or first boyfriends and first heartbreaks. He wouldn't have to provide for her unless she wanted an ear to listen. He wouldn't need to have to say no, because she was the family head and could do whatever she wanted. He didn't need to give advice because she didn't want it. He didn't have to heal injuries, because she was heavily guarded and kept safe. He wouldn't have to discuss certain 'things' with her, because she might never need to know. He didn't have to teach her right and wrong or discipline her, because she never stepped out of line. He didn't have to worry about accepting whoever she fell for, because Kio wouldn't have a say in anything, and he would be kept out for being male anyway. He wouldn't have to deal with anxiety when she drove a car for the first time. He wouldn't have to worry every time she coughed or went to the doctor's. He wouldn't have to buy her a prom dress or rent her a limo to go to prom in. He wouldn't have to worry about her making bad friends that would lead her down a bad path. He didn't have to worry about her getting pregnant, because she would most likely only see a man when she was 'old enough' to have kids, if then. He didn't have to worry about sending her to Kindergarten alone, or letting her stay the night at friends' houses. He wouldn't have to worry about her partying, drinking, smoking, or doing drugs.

He didn't need to be there at all. He didn't need to worry about her and her well being. He didn't have to do anything. He could just go on about his merry little life. Have a family with Akira, most likely by adopting a child when and if they were ready. He'd babysit the Chibis so that Ritsuka and Soubi could have their apartment to themselves. He'd go on double dates with them and Akira whenever he felt like it. He'd go on vacation every Christmas to Akira's family cabin. He'd try to convince Ritsuka to finally move in with Soubi and leave his mother. He'd go to college and finish his bachelors, then go on even further. Maybe he'd change majors after his bachelors and go to something he could actually live off of. Maybe he'd be a teacher. He liked kids.

All he needed to know was that he had a daughter that he loved deeply and that she was safe and cared for by the men-hating Kaido family. He needed to know that he could never screw up anything with her, because someone was always there to pick up the pieces and push him further away. So let the Kaido family have their secrets. Let them know why he and Shikiko were so close in age, so much so that them being father and daughter make no sense. Let them keep Shikiko-san and Kio in the dark as long as they could. Let them hate men and have their rules against them. As long as his daughter knew he was out there somewhere, waiting for her and caring about her, he didn't really care.

He didn't have a father in his life, but he'd be damned if he wasn't going to be a part of his daughter's. Whether she knew it or not, whether he was ready or not. He _would_ be there. That was a promise.


End file.
